How We Support Toddler Emotions and Positive Behavior in Pre-Nursery

At BISC-LP, we are dedicated to ensuring that our school environment supports positive behavior choices through guidance and modeling. In Pre-Nursery, this support begins as early as 15 months old, when children first walk (or crawl) through our doors. From birth, children learn to communicate a range of emotions through sounds, facial expressions, and movement. As they develop, they begin to experience a wider range of emotions that can feel overwhelming and may lead to dysregulation and frustration. As trusted adults, it is our responsibility to understand what these emotions are trying to convey and to support the child accordingly.

What Is the Behavior Telling Us?

The first question we need to ask ourselves is: What is the child trying to communicate? All emotions and behaviors stem from a communication need. As Kate Silverton, author of There’s No Such Thing as ‘Naughty’, explains, children’s behaviors are not manipulative or ‘bad’, but instead are their way of expressing unmet needs or overwhelming emotions. Examples of this may include children hitting or biting as a form of communication, or yelling/screaming when feeling overwhelmed or frustrated.

Age-Appropriate Behaviors

Some age-appropriate behaviors commonly seen in toddlers include strong attachments to familiar adults, which can lead to anxiety when separating from them. Outbursts of frustration may occur when needs are not met or when children become overstimulated by their environment, which are also common at this age. Some physical aggression is developmentally typical and can be exploratory rather than intentionally negative.

With two-year-olds, power struggles often begin to emerge as children learn about choices and boundaries. Turn-taking and sharing are also common challenges when children are engaging with their peers. The most noticeable behaviors at this age stem from BIG emotions that children do not yet know how to manage or express independently, without adult support.

Three-year-olds may continue to exhibit power struggles, particularly as their vocabulary expands, and they gain more language to express their needs and choices. You may begin to see boundaries being tested as children explore how far they can go before adult support is needed. At this age, children are also learning to control impulses and develop problem-solving skills.

Strategies to Support Positive Behavior

There are many ways to support children’s behaviors without engaging in power struggles. In a recent forum, Marney Leahy, owner of Best Self Inc, discussed Stephen Covey’s concept of the emotional bank account in relation to children. She explained that for every one “debit” (negative interaction) a child experiences, they should receive five “credits” (positive interactions) to build trust and emotional security. These positives include encouragement, affirmation, and specific praise.

Another effective approach to supporting behavior in Pre-Nursery is redirection. Tuning into children’s behaviors and identifying potential triggers allows adults to be proactive rather than reactive. If you notice a child becoming frustrated, step in early, use a calm voice, and help them co-regulate by using the S.A.S. approach: Say what you see, Acknowledge the behavior, Soothe.

For example: “I can see that you are feeling frustrated. You want the toy car that X has. Would you like this toy or this toy?”

Young children often express a strong need for control; therefore, offering choices helps to support autonomy and reduce big feelings, especially when faced with tasks they may not want to complete. To be effective, choices should be limited to two achievable options that are predetermined by adults.

At BISC‑LP, supporting children’s emotional development is an important part of everyday learning. One of the ways we do this is through the Zones of Regulation which isa framework that helps children begin to identify, name, and talk about their feelings.

In Pre‑Nursery, the Zones of Regulation are carefully adapted to be age‑appropriate. We use simple language, visual cues, and gentle conversations to help our youngest learners recognize how they are feeling.

These visuals are a powerful tool, as they help build early self‑awareness and create opportunities for children to begin learning strategies to manage their emotions over time.

When supporting young children, it is important to remember that they often need up to 10 seconds to process language, and this can be even longer when they are feeling overwhelmed or dysregulated. During these moments, using calm, simple language and slowing the pace of our communication can make a big difference. Giving children time and space helps them feel safe, understood, and supported.

Conclusion

All emotions are okay. As adults, our role is to help children navigate their feelings by providing calm and reassurance. As L. R. Knost reminds us, we must “lend our calm, not join the child’s chaos.” When a child is dysregulated, their nervous system can be flooded with stress hormones, which affects both their brain and body, and, in turn, their behavior.

By staying calm, patient, and empathetic, we help children feel secure as they learn to understand and manage their emotions. These early experiences play a vital role in building emotional resilience and wellbeing for the future.